"Of course, you know that much of this has to do with the fluoride in our water system, right?"
I nodded at the man and squinted into the brilliant afternoon sun. Did I put on sunscreen today?
"You see, when they started spiking our clean, God-fearin' American tap water with a modified fluoride, we began to see slight changes in how us men-folk handle basic tasks. We used to be able to do things, well, sharper, y'know? More decisive. That is to say that we were tougher and had sharper edges to us. We always meant business and weren't too fond of mealy-mouthed "maybe-this, maybe-that" miscreants that seemed to always be meanderin' and never getting nowhere."
I looked down at his well-worn cowboy boots and wondered if he ever did that thing where cowboys make a big point when pouring water out of their boots after they fall in a river.
"Now, it's just this kind of hand-wringin' BS that has slowly allowed the GDG (The Goddamn Government) to start steppin' into our private lives and tellin' us what is right. And we're so addled by the damn fluoride that we can't think straight enough to say "HELL NO!" Meanwhile, we giving all our money to Big Corporate Medical, Big Corporate Religion, and Big Corporate Finance because we're told that these people, well, these people are the smart ones! But you know what!?!? CHECK THEIR WATER!!! They ain't drinking tap water now, are they? ARE THEY!!??"
A small fleck of spit from the man's now near-frothing mouth glanced my chin and I considered which Starbucks I was going to hit on the way out of town.