Do you have any Grey Poupon?

*tweets* Help, there is a guy outside staring at me with a ski mask and it isn't even winter!

This is getting me going in an odd way.

What's odd about romance and devotion?

Who needs Photoshop? I'm installing the GIMP.

saved to http://mlkshk.com/stock

@arto +

arto wins

"Let's see... intruders at the window... please call police... Ok guys posted it to Facebook maybe now we will get help!"

"Hi, police? I went jogging even though it's 20 below and I come back and some strange women is stealing my wifi in my own damn kitchen!"

@Paladin667 +1

*KNOCK-KNOCK*
"Gimp-o-Gram!"

The safeword is "Lawn ornament."

So much win in this thread. So very, very much.

For the comments!

@ColdChef @arto I wish I could like your comments. Laugh out loud funny.

@ColdChef Fantastic as always

comments ++

"do you have a few minutes to talk about jesus christ?"

What freitag said

Drew missed an opportunity with Shutterstalk.jpg as the title.

That song got me to buy the album. SO SIIICK

"It's like the gossamer sheet of tears that covers my heart."

are those crimped?

He's making progress on that combover!

MY PENNNNNNNNNNNN!

Oh sure, you let your neighbors see your entire phone number, but us here on the internet can't lay claim to the pen? I've lost plenty of pens, sir, there is a good chance that is one of them!

9998 more to go (after I thought about how phone numbers work for a millisecond)

I go to Jetpens.com to buy all of my pens. There's no mistaking the ones I pick out....

Not to mention, they're pricy enough that I can't possibly forget them, or let people run off with them....

I just met you
and this is crazy
I might have your pen
So call me maybe

Is that your objective or your primary skillset?

@cow can it be both? Asking for a friend.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Well..."

"I can't wait until they throw his hatless butt in jail" -Homer Simpson

King of the hill?

@blazemongr hahahaha

awww yiss

Everyone needs a hobby.

This really is my local news. TIGER MOM!

"once"

WHY MUST MEN TAMPER IN GOD'S DOMAIN?!

Panturds.

^beat me to it

Makes, eats, digests and poops all in 45 seconds??!

Dying to know what is new in handjobs....

I tried to click on the links. i am ashamed.

you have to keep in mind, these are 1996 handjobs

look at those hyperlinks.

@jessamyn Yelp reviews.

As your librarian, I have found that page on the internet and I am here to tell you that it's bad textual porn about teenagers which I am glad I did not look at while I was at work at the high school. I do not recommend tracking it down, I enjoyed the mystery more than the reality.

^ I applaud your dedication!

@tonyb 1,996 handjobs!

One 1996 handjob is worth like four handjobs of today.

@kafkaesque damn deflation! Wait...

@vosechu The economy was very cold that year! It was shrinkage!